Hats-JaynesAntiDrug

Jason Crockett and I banter

Last night while waiting for my gas to pump, I did what I usually do when it's cold and I'm not wearing a jacket, I pace. It's a family trait that we all do, so we're fun at social gatherings. Anyway, so I'm standing there pumping and Jason screams out from his car across the lot, "Yeah Mike, pacing will make it pump faster."

My reply? "I tell ya Jason, the more STD's you get, the funnier you become."

Everyone else in the lot seemed to really enjoy our interaction
Walking

Mike's Retail Holiday Rule #2

If you are the typical JoCo resident (a bit mindless, driving a big gas guzzler, and only able to recall the alphabet by singing it) and you come into my store for the only time of the year to buy presents, then you should treat it in the same experience as you would church. Walking slowly to the Customer Service Desk (not the registers, since they don't have the time to help you there unless you are purchasing, not searching) you should wait calmly until I have made eye contact with you. (Just because I'm not with someone doesn't mean that I'm not helping someone on the phone or finishing a special order) Once eye contact is made, you should make the sign of your savior, in the case Mike (You can identify me by my Individual Achievement Award namebadge). The Sign of the Mike is done by placing your hands in front of your chest with the fingers wide, bringing them in quickly to tap your chest twice, and then raising your chin up briefly with your eyes wild looking. (The Sign of the Mike is also known as the You Want a Piece of Me?)

Now that proper attention has been given to your savior, I will attempt to help you, if there is any helping you. Telling me that you want the book that they had on display "on that one aisle" at the Border's in Tampa is definately not going to happen. But if you are calm, and considerate I will do my best to find what you are looking for. If you are bitchy, I will most likely take longer, or be a rude jerk, and let's face it, you don't want that. Talking on your cellphone while in my sanctuary is also out, as is ignoring your child if they are screaming.

Why so many additions to this rule? Because I know where the books are! Sure you could use our Title Sleuth computer system, but do you know where Zone C is? I think not? Do you know where we have the floor stack of Why Do Men Have Nipples? Not even all of my coworkers know that. Do you really think you can find my last copy of On Bullshit? Considering the book is thinner than my little finger, we come to the fact that you need me. Thats right, YOU NEED ME. I know where it all is, or I can find it much quicker than if you wandered each aisle. The best part is that most of the time I can find it without the computer, even with the smallest bit of information. This will allow you to get to our long line (which moves quickly if you don't bitch, whine, or try to get more discounts than your deserve), and out the door.

So stop being bastard's, be considerate this holiday season, and come to worship me properly, with Single Malt Jameson, Guinness, and Tasty Kake Butterscotch Krimpets. You'll thank me later.
Headless

Mike's Retail Holiday Rule #1

If you are walking slow in front of, or you cut me off when I am obviously moving quickly with purpose I have every right to PUNCH you in the back of the head (aiming for the cerebellum, thus fucking up motor function). This should make you drop towards the ground, so I can leap over your desending body and get on with my work.
Mrs. Smith

Wow, I WANT this.

We received this at work yesterday and I want it badly.

Sundance Film Festival Collection: Celebrating 25 Years

It includes the following movies: Sex, Lies and Videotape, American Movie, The Usual Suspects, Clerks, In the Bedroom, Smoke Signals, Capturing the Friedmans, American Splendor, Real Women Have Curves, and Boys Don't Cry.

The Amazon.com quote because I'm too tired to think:
"Product Description:
This limited edition, special collectors' DVD set celebrates 25 years of the Sundance Institute. It contains ten ground-breaking films that embody the sprit of independence, creative risk-taking, and diversity that define the Sundance Film Festival. Bonus materials include a booklet and an 11th disc with behind-the-scenes footage from the Sundance Institute Labs and never-before-seen interviews with filmmakers and founder Robert Redford."
Looking Up

My Card


You are The Lovers


Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.


The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.


Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.


What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Looking Up

A nice father.

Tonight at work we had a customer tell us that his college daughter is now dating a Native American who is a Lakota. He admitted that he had no idea what that meant but that he wanted to find a book on it. So, me being who I am, I led him over to the Native American studies area to help out. After explaining that the Lakota are part of the Sioux, and also explaining their difference with the Nakota and Dakota, as well a few of the bands such as the Oglala, Hunkapa, and Miniconjou, I asked him what he really wanted in the book. I had pointed out such books as Black Elk Speaks: Being the Life Story of a Holy Man of the Oglala Sioux, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee: An Indian History of the American West, Lakota Woman, and The Journey Of Crazy Horse: A Lakota History, he told me that he just wanted his daughter's boyfriend to see that he was interested in him, that he was trying to understand him, and just a little bit of him wanted the guy to be really impressed. That being said, I laughed and was really impressed with what the man was willing to do for someone he really didn't know, or even know about. I pointed out that The Journey of Crazy Horse is actually written by someone of Lakota blood, and is written with stories passed down about Crazy Horse through oral tradition. As far as I can recall it's one of the first books about Crazy Horse actually written by a Lakota, and it's also one of the best I've ever read. After talking about the Lakota a bit more, and answering his questions while also explaining a bit more of my background, he settled on The Journey of Crazy Horse, and then asked if I could recommend a good Lakota cd. I showed him the cd Lakota Pipe & Ceremonial Songs, which caused him to beam happily, and thank me over and over. It made a shitty day into a much happier one, and it made me really happy about some fathers out there.
Looking Up

Johnny Cash

My relationship with the music of Johnny Cash started early in life. My grandfather, a burly spaniard, listen to the music because he could relate, it was music about the working man as well as country. My father, who didn't get along all that well with his own father at times (Hmmm, perhaps a family trend here?), liked the music as well, perhaps a similarity in common for the two, one last bonding experience. Then there was me. While Johnny Cash (and his family for that matter) were one of my first concerts, I still didn't grow to love his music until I grew older. I don't know if it was an attempt to hate the music my parents played over and over, but because of this Simon & Garfunkel, Johnny Cash, and other amazing artists were ignored. It didn't help that I just wasn't into music all that much, even up through most of high school I listened to the radio, but I wasn't as rabid as some of my friends.

That all changed and I grew to appreciate all forms of music, especially Johnny Cash. And, perhaps like my father, Johnny Cash was a way that my grandfather and I bonded before he passed away. In fact Johnny Cash was played at my grandfathers funeral. Which leads me to were I'm going with the post.

I bought Johnny Cash, American IV: The Man Comes Around, last night at work. I had heard the Nine Inch Nails cover of "Hurt" by Johnny, as well as him singing "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" in the Red Cross commercial, but I never realized all that was on this album has. From Sting's "I Hung My Head", Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus", to the Beatles' "In My Life", each song is his own, pure Johnny Cash. And perhaps I'm tired, or just missing those I've lost, but some of the songs, like Danny Boy for example, choked me up to the verge of tears.

Fucking amazing album. It also comes with a DVD of the "Hurt" video, which is just so amazing, sad, and touching.